Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize