I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
