I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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