The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She announced her abortion via fbk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize