Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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