I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize