and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
