His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
