Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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