I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
