I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
