If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
