Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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