You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
