Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
