Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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