Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
