I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i barfeds in our rink
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
