i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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