You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
