So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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