watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
