East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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