do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
