I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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