Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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