the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
