There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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