I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
