i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
