I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
