Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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