thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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