i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
