my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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