some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
