i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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