Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
