How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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