wat bout pragnant strippers??
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize