I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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