Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
