I think I died a long time ago.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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