You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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