Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize