Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
