the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
