I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
