we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
soo... how was my night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
