How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
