you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
