Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
