It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
