I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
