where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize