I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
