isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
