I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
