rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
