We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
