I smell stomach acid.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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