first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
