woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
