My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
