were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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