i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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