So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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