last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
