We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
