I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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