New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
