just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
