Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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