So drunk its hurt
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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