No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Where is the hickey?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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