Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
